Celebrating Your Uniqueness: A Journey of Self-Discovery: Carrie Klewin Lawrence

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I know. I know. You’ve heard this before. It’s not a new question, but the answer is always evolving. So we can’t stop asking, what’s your why?         

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I am your host, Emy Digrappa. What’s yous why? Is brought to you by Wyoming Humanities. This show explores the human experience with nationally and internationally humanists, authors, journalists, philosophers, artists, and scientists and more. When we adventure into conversations about where they’ve been, what makes them tick, and how their history relates to the greater world and to you.         

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My special guest today is Carrie Klewin Lawrence, stage director, public speaking coach, and author championing strategic storytelling for success. And I really am excited to talk about that. Carrie is a woman of many talents, and we are here today to learn about her journey and her inspiration. Welcome, Carrie. Hi.         

00:01:02

             

Thank you so much for having me. Absolutely. Thank you for being here. And it is fun to discover what you’re doing because, one, I want to talk about your book, the Origin Story, and two, is your journey into theater and then how that launched you into becoming, in essence, a business coach. Absolutely.         

00:01:25

             

It’s really at the core of my why. So I think, you know, we have a lot to explore here with my journey and how I am sitting here talking to you about origin stories. I started out as a stage director, officially when I was in college, but it turns out that I had been on this journey for much, much longer than that. And the discovery of a piece of evidence as to who I was at the core of my being was hidden in a box of elementary school memorabilia that my mom gifted me when I was moving across country. My husband was getting ready to retire from the military, and we had a house full of stuff.         

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I was not excited to be getting gifted, you know, things from the basement, but I decided one day to open the box, and inside there was a very special gift from a very, very young Carrie, which was a play that I wrote when I was about 10 years old called Little Red Riding Hood says no to Smoking. And when I held this script in my hand, a light bulb went off because I, like many artists, entrepreneurs, people who feel like there’s something more, you know, they’re not settled. They. They’ve been hearing all of these voices about what you should do and, you know, get a real job. I had struggled for decades, really, trying to figure out what I should do and how to make a living and what career path to choose.         

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And I had this script in my hands that said, hey, you’ve known the answer to this since you were about 10 years old at Least. And it just confirmed so many, so many things that I knew about myself that I had questioned along the way. Well, it’s interesting, stage directing. So were you ever on the other side of that? Did you perform and perform in theater as an actor or were you always behind the scenes?         

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Yeah. So you know, when you’re a younger person. Right. Your options are super limited. And I don’t know if you know much about directing, but children do not direct, really.         

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I mean, yes, we do in an organic way of kind of organizing people and telling them what to do. But as far as, you know, an official title, that doesn’t usually happen until you’re younger. So I came up through performing, but I was really interested, looking back, I see that I was really interested in all of the things that were going on behind the scenes. How people were becoming their characters, getting into makeup, the sets. I was interested in painting and all of these things.         

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So, yeah, it took me a while to come to the realization that directing was the more specific part of that industry that I was interested in. But storytelling, it turns out, is an even more compelling and interesting way that I see the world now. And so stage directing has become part of that career. I don’t know. Several hats.         

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Most of us wear several hats, right. Or have more than one interest. And so now storytelling has become the umbrella and stage directing lives underneath that. I guess that’s why that was really interesting to me, because I know other theater people who launch themselves into kind of a storytelling career and a business professional career person that helps business people tell their stories, for example, because they help them, you know, bring out that creativity in them that is there, but they don’t know how to get it out. Right.         

00:05:34

             

Yeah. So, you know, all throughout college, I was helping people tell their story. We were creating work, we were writing scripts. And then I started coaching people in public speaking and acting and working with playwrights and helping the playwrights put their stories onto the page. And then, you know, of course, as a director, it’s thinking about that audience relationship and what story we’re telling and why we’re telling that story and making sure that all of the pieces and parts are working together in harmony to be able to have the right effect.         

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Right. And so that kind of really naturally moved into branding and how you’re telling your story in social media and also those more, I guess, more corporate minded, whether it’s a TED Talk or something like that, and how people are advancing their business and marketing themselves with their storytelling. That’s what my big question is. How do you get someone to tap into their story? How do you get them to tap into their creativity?         

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You know, like take off all the other masks that people wear. Yeah. And just see who they are. How do you do that? Well, that’s, that’s tricky.         

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That’s absolutely the key, if you will, to figuring out how to stand out and how to be confident, how to even combat imposter syndrome. Because when you focus on what makes you truly original, what makes you unique, what. Sure, you might have the same degree as somebody else, but your experience while you were getting that degree is going to be completely different. Your responsibilities, your challenges. Right.         

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So I encourage people to really take a look and celebrate their originality and their uniqueness because it’s easy to get lost when you are trying to follow somebody else’s ideas of success, somebody else’s 10 step plan to achieve, you know, whatever goal you have in the short term. And not to say that some of that advice isn’t helpful, but it might not apply to you because of your individual circumstances. Right. So some of it’s a little bit of a reality check of like, hey, my responsibilities, you know, I am a wife and a mother of three. I live in a particular part of the country.         

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Right. So if I am trying to model my life after someone who doesn’t, whose life doesn’t look like mine, then I’m going to be bumping up against that wall constantly, Right? Absolutely. And I guess I’m thinking about myself. I’m thinking how I want to tell my story.         

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And it’s always, I guess it depends on the audience. Yeah. How I tell my story or what I say. Yeah. Or what seems relevant and interesting to people.         

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Being a great storyteller is probably, you know, my life aspiration. You’re not alone. Because I love hearing a good story. Yeah. Is this so cool when you just hear a great storyteller and they just.         

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It’s so captivating. Yeah. Well, and, you know, the audience is definitely part of it, but in the work that I do, it’s really, there’s really two ways to approach it. One is to be really comfortable with who you are and what message you want to send out with your core values, your beliefs, you know, what you’re trying to achieve, the audience that you’re trying to serve. Right.         

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And then the other is going out to find that audience and trying to affect them in some way, trying to have impact with them in some way. Right. So you can seek that out, for example, you know, going to a conference or even I coach People with interviews or trying to get a promotion. Right. So that that audience is extremely specific.         

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I’m not just going to a social event and answering, so what do you do? Right. Which is a really hard question to answer. And that’s, you know, part of the nucleus of what I’m doing with Origin story is getting people comfortable with answering that question and talking about themselves, but also having those specific objectives of I want to achieve this, so how can I tell the right stories and how can I send that message out in order for people to hear it? Yes.         

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So important. So important. But heart really hard to do. So I feel like your work is really. I can’t say I’d be very good at what you do.         

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I mean, I love what you do because I love storytelling, and I love that that’s the essence of where you’re going, but that even. That you’re sitting down with people, even in an interview or a promotion process. I think you have to have a special patience. You have to have a special understanding, and you have to allow people that space to kind of figure it out for themselves. At least for me.         

00:11:05

             

I feel like that even if you know what someone is really good at, but they. They need to know it. It needs to be. It needs inside of their heart, their spirit. And I would be very impatient.         

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Well, I’ve had a lot of experience. I worked for, you know, about three decades reading plays, for example, you know, hundreds of plays every year that I read and give comments to the organizations that are developing these works. And so. So I am a very good listener as far as looking for the elements that make a dynamic story. And I’m not saying, like, fabricated or, you know, we’re going to just make something up.         

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No, I’m looking for those elements that create interest in an audience and create that tension and create that desire to lean forward and to ask questions, start a conversation. And. Yeah, that. I think what’s interesting about storytelling is that a lot of people think that you have to have this really dynamic event in your life to make a good story, like something extremely tragic or, you know, or very lucky or, you know, like, as an example, winning the lottery, for example, you know, you have to have that kind of one in several million to be able to have the right to share, you know, an important story, if you will. But what’s super interesting about the kind of storytelling that I promote is that I’m more interested in you sharing your character with the world.         

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Right. And character is something. And your integrity is something that is demonstrated over time. And it’s not necessarily in those big huge births, deaths, you know, accidents and incidents that, that your character is demonstrate. It’s in the everyday things, in the way that you as an individual respond to those individual things, right.         

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It’s the way that you take a walk, you know, on the beach or in the woods or something. The way that you see the world, your personal perspective, that’s your character, right? And so when I’m listening for these elements, I’m also listening for the ways that people show their individuality and that we can celebrate and connect with other people to create a community. Community. Here’s maybe a serious, but maybe a not serious question.         

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It’s me and my grown up kids. Okay? Yeah. And they’re like, mom, you are so opinionated. And I go, yes, I am, but that’s me, that’s who I am.         

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That’s what I think, that’s what I believe. Whether you call it an opinion or is it just part of my character and, and who I am. What do you think about that? I think that’s very interesting because obviously there are two different sides of this example, right? You have the kids, right?         

00:14:25

             

And you have yourself. So one is offering a reflection on the other, right? So you have my first question is what is their definition of opinionated and where does that come from? Like where did they get that information from? And they are making a character assessment or a values judgment based on something that has been taught to them.         

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Right? So it’s either peers, culture, community, society that’s having this influence on them, that is making them then react and reflect in a certain way. Right. And then the other question would be, what is your own opinion about being opinionated? Right?         

00:15:09

             

We could. There are so many words out there that we need to unpack, especially as women, you know, that comes, comes into play that’s, you know, surround that word, which is, you know, being too loud, being assertive. Like there’s a lot of, you know, kind of coded language. So it’s also our job to unpack that language for ourself and to say, you know what, I really, I like that about myself and I’m going to own that and I’m going to use it as one of my three core adjectives. Right.         

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And so I’m just going to advertise, this is what you’re getting, right? And that’s what makes me individual. And you know what you’re going to get, right? I like opinionated people because I feel safe with them. I feel like I can trust them because there’s not as much of a filter, and I don’t really have to guess as much.         

00:16:04

             

Right. So that would be part of the work, is like unpacking some of this messaging, the storytelling that we’re telling ourselves. Right. Because we are our first audience, and we are our most important audience ourself. I’m going to quote you on that, and you should write that down.         

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I use it once in a while. Oh, my gosh, that’s so good. And the storytelling we’re telling ourselves. Yeah, we tell ourselves stories, don’t we? Yeah, we do.         

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They either create confidence or fear or both, or it just depends on the situation. Right? Yeah. All people are insecure. We absorb a lot, whether it’s generational or whether it’s, like I said, from a community or a culture.         

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And we don’t often take the time, you know. You know, it may be. Maybe you’ve never been asked, like, well, what’s wrong with being opinionated? Right. Like, what.         

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What would. What would happen if you embraced that instead of resisting it? Right. One of my key adjectives is quirky. And I took that on because I have felt like a misfit as an artist and a creative for much of my life.         

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And I just decided one day, you know what? I’m going to own this. I’m taking it on. I’m embracing it, and it is part of my character. And now I have confidence when I’m making decisions about things such as even decor and what I’m going to wear to a certain event, because I’ve given myself permission and change my own story about what that means, what those words mean to me.         

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That’s such a good thing to do, and it’s such a good exercise, and I think we should do it all the time, especially as women, as we grow older and our lives change. You know, hormones, all the stuff. Yeah, absolutely. Well, and with children, too. Right.         

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Because I find myself, once in a while, something will come out of my mouth and I’ll be like, whoa, did I just say that? Or. You know, and it’s something that maybe my parents said or even my grandparents said. Right. And, you know, an example that I.         

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That I often use is the term breadwinner, because, you know, I’ve often been a trailing military spouse. I was officially known to the government as a dependent. Right. And so this was a word that came up in an online discussion. And all of a sudden I thought, well, my goodness, if we’re saying that there’s a winner, that means that there must be a loser.         

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I’m not Going to participate in that language. Like, where is that coming from? Right. And it’s just something that was passed down. And when I really interrogated that word and thought about it, I thought, we’ve got bread makers in our house, but it’s a partnership and there’s no winners or losers, so we’re just going to stop saying that, and we’re not going to pass that on to our future generations.         

00:19:12

             

That is so interesting, Carrie, and so true. In fact, I. I was just looking at that word the other day. Really? Yes.         

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So that is so interesting and coincidental that you brought that up, because I was thinking about what that means in a household breadwinner, when you’re both working your high knees off. Right. Yeah. But I. I do know where.         

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I feel like I know in this country where it comes from, but I can’t say that I agree with it in other countries simply because not. Not that word, not the word breadwinner, but the. What it means, what’s behind that word. Because my daughter, Both my daughters have traveled a lot, but one in particular studied in Morocco, studied in Argentina, studied in Mexico, and she realized that American women are very unique, and we are the most independent women in the world. I believe that.         

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And it was something that she really had to give thought to, because when she’s in these other countries, there’s things that a woman her age could never or would never do, and just traveling by herself. Yeah, that is, like, unheard of. So it’s. It’s just really interesting. And.         

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And I think it’s also cultural. Yeah, definitely have a very strong female culture. Even though we’re still fighting our own battles in our culture, we’re still. And not to make any comparisons, but it’s. It’s just very different.         

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Very different. Well, and we. We have ascribed and participated in a certain way. You know, we were. We were taught in a certain way.         

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We were parented in a certain way. And the world has changed. Right. So, you know, when I said earlier about a reality check, it’s. It’s kind of like taking your head out of the sand a little bit to say, like, oh, wow, I.         

00:21:07

             

Okay, the world. When I. When I started my college journey, for example, and picked a career or picked a future job and then, you know, went and studied a career, boy, I had no idea that, you know, the world would be what it is today. Even five years ago. Right.         

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Pre pandemic times, we could not have predicted how much the world has changed so quickly. And so to take a moment and really assess the situation and think, well, where am I headed? Like, what are my goals, right. And what do I really want to do? Who is that person, you know, that had these dreams and was so interested in storytelling when they were a younger person?         

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And how do I bring that more into my life now? Right? And what, what am I up against? Because there are definitely, you know, you were saying, like, different rules, if you will, for the society or the culture, or maybe there are certain things that, that you. That are important to you besides your job, right.         

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That are. You need to have success in those areas in order to create that balance. Because what I do know is that you can be extremely successful and totally miserable at the same time. Right. By our measures of success.         

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If you think about that in terms of just your career, right. If you don’t open that up to all of the different categories and areas in your life fighting for attention. And so I think in the US in particular, we have a really interesting struggle because we have so much freedom and independence that making those, those balancing and those shifts when we have had some traditional roles of caretaking and household tasks, if you will, and to be able to shift that more into a partnership and more into a. Let’s figure this out and have some creative problem solving based on the tools that are available to us in this contemporary world, not the world that. Where we were making decisions in our 20s and 30s, you know, decades ago.         

00:23:34

             

Yeah, yeah, that’s right. You’re always evolving. I do believe that everybody’s always evolving. And I think that’s a good thing. And that’s why I wanted to ask you about your book.         

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You wrote, the Origin Story. Just tell me about why you wrote it and what, what you hope people to take away when they read it. Sure. So Origin Story came about as a result of, number one, me finding that play script and having both extreme joy at saying, oh, I’ve been on the right path all along. This is amazing.         

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Now I have the evidence, right? And then almost simultaneously being like, oh, no, this has taken me way too long to come to this conclusion. How. How did I go wrong? Where did I stray off of my path?         

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You know, why was I not doing, you know, what if? I would have studied theater in. As an undergrad, you know, what if? What if, Right. So I started to look into my own journey.         

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And also at the same time, because I had been doing so much coaching and branding and public speaking, I was working with a group of students who were working on finding their story, finding their why, like a signature speech, if you will. And I Just saw so much power in being able to take control of that story. And as I was investigating my own story, I realized that I had some of the parts of my story. I didn’t remember them correctly. So I had had this narrative in my head, like my career and being a director kind of happened to me instead of me seeking it out or something that I had always been interested in.         

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So when I started looking into that and putting all the pieces together, I was like, oh, this is so interesting. I wonder if I can help other people dig into their origin story, understand the pieces and parts of. Of what makes a good story. Right. So the first part of the book, you go through all the different basic elements of a origin story or signature speech, if you will, and also at the same time, connect with your.         

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Why, deepen that relationship with your instincts and intuition and maybe turn down the outside voices, turn down the volume on them, and turn up the volume on your own instincts and intuition. And it has really resonated with people who are kind of in a state of what I call stormy weather, rising tension, that uncomfortableness of something needs to change. Or you retire, for example, and want to change careers, or you just think, you know what, this has been great, but, you know, maybe it’s time to try something else. And so, yeah, I wrote the book to inspire people to tell their story, but also to give them some tools in order to be able to do that as well. I am going to buy your book because I think is what I was saying earlier is that I think we’re always evolving.         

00:26:51

             

And now that I am a mom of adult children. I don’t know how old your kids are, Carrie, but they’re a little younger. But, yeah, it totally changes when you have grandkids and you have adult kids. And that’s what I was bringing up. The thing about mom, you’re so opinionated because you have to let your kids raise their kids.         

00:27:17

             

And it’s not always easy because you do have an opinion. You do. You come from a different generation. You. You know all this stuff.         

00:27:26

             

Yeah. Think differently about things. What they’re doing, how much screen time they’re doing or what.         

00:27:36

             

Yeah. So it’s a challenge. It’s a challenge. And your relationships change. But honestly, it’s so amazing because your kids do become your best friends.         

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And I hope it works that way for everybody. I mean, I do. I know. I know it doesn’t, but it is such a blessing when it does. And when your best friends are your kids.         

00:27:59

             

Yeah. I think that that relationship. And you Know, so I had what I would consider bad advice, I call it well intentioned bad advice. Right. From my parents because they grew up in a different world than I was entering.         

00:28:18

             

Right. Theater was not a real job or was not going to end up in a real job for me. Right. So there was a lot of concern, especially my parents got divorced and my mom was like, you are going to be able to provide for yourself. There’s going to be some security, you’re going to get that job, that health insurance, you know, all of it.         

00:28:37

             

And so I think the one mistake, if I would caution people, is just to remember that we can’t predict the future. Right. We can prepare for the future, but we can prepare also. Yes, we have these responsibilities, but we also, if we can be open to the fact that we need to listen to ourselves and follow those paths as well, because we don’t know what the future is going to look like in another five or 10 years and what job possibilities there are and what technology is going to evolve. And so I think it’s very tricky to try to support children through their growth process and kind of give them that structure and, you know, maybe put on some guardrails.         

00:29:32

             

But at the same time, I think that sometimes we really think that we can predict the future that we know, you know, and things are just keep changing and evolving, like you said. So the tricky, tricky conundrum. It is tricky. And you’re right, I grew up with parents that, you know, 9 to 5, job security.         

00:29:57

             

Yeah, well, that doesn’t even exist anymore, so. Right. So you better like figure it out because that stuff that our parents were privy to does not exist. Right. And it’s very interesting.         

00:30:13

             

It is a new day, it is a new time. And I’m so glad you’re inspiring young women to succeed and helping them think outside of the box and, and I think that is such a gift that you know, and your origin story, your book that you just wrote, I think what a great tool. Thank you. I really hope that it helps people to shake off some of that idea of there’s a right way to do things and that other people have the answers. Right.         

00:30:45

             

Because when you take time to listen to yourself and to be excited and to celebrate that individuality, I think it creates such a rich opportunity for conversation and real, authentic connection with people. Right. Absolutely. Carrie, where can people find you and learn more about you? Well, my website is caricluin.com and the book is available, I’m happy to say, on all of your normal Amazon, Audible, Kindle, And I have a journal coming out soon as well.         

00:31:24

             

And so that’s I created the journal to help people who see a book like this. The middle part of the book is full of exercises, but it might be a little overwhelming. So it’s meant to help people kind of step by step, go through and prepare and give them ideas like yourself for, you know, social events and just the way that you talk about yourself and your work and where you’re headed. Okay. All right.         

00:31:51

             

Well, thank you so much, and thank you for your time. Thank you.         

00:31:59

             

Thank you for joining us for this episode of what’s yous why? Brought to you by Wyoming Humanities with support from Wyoming Humanities foundation and generous supporters like you. To learn more, go to Thinkwide.org subscribe and never miss a show.